my fiance is cheating on me
Infidelity

My Fiance Is Cheating On Me? How to Tell and What to Do

Finding out your partner has cheated can rock your world, especially in a long-distance relationship where trust and intimacy already face significant challenges. Cheating before a wedding is horrible! You may notice subtle changes in their communication, secrecy around their activities, and an emotional distance growing between you. 

While confronting possible infidelity is painful, identifying warning signs early and addressing issues head-on can help uncover the truth while the relationship can still heal. 

This guide covers clues your long-distance fiancé may be cheating, constructive ways to respond, and how to prioritize your emotional well-being.

Why Would an Engaged Man Cheat?

Yes, infidelity before marriage is not a fresh problem. The 2006 American General Social Survey revealed that nearly twice as many married men confessed to engaging in extramarital sexual relations compared to women.

In the UK, the 2000 National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles (Natsal), the most recent comprehensive study of sexual behavior, indicated that 15% of men had experienced “overlapping” relationships in the preceding year, while only 9% of women had done so.

is my fiance cheating on me

We can conclude that man cheats more often than women. So, if you think you are marrying a cheater, you can be right. Here are some potential reasons an engaged man may cheat:

  • Pre-wedding jitters or cold feet — anxiety about lifelong commitment may cause them to self-sabotage.
  • Boredom in the relationship — seeking an exciting distraction from the comfortable familiarity of their partner.
  • Feeling neglected — cheating to fulfill emotional or physical needs they think are unmet.
  • Opportunity and lack of boundaries — certain work situations or social contexts increase temptation.
  • Insecurity — validation-seeking behavior and desire for attention/ego boosts.
  • Habitual behavior — history of commitment issues or a tendency towards infidelity.
  • Fear of missing out — curiosity about experiences with new partners before settling down.
  • Immaturity and poor character — lack of integrity and willingness to indulge impulses regardless of consequences.
  • Narcissism — selfishness, feeling entitled to pursue one’s own wants over others’ feelings.
See also  Can Someone Cheat and Still Love You?

While explanations exist, cheating ultimately stems from deficient integrity, empathy, and self-control. For relationships to heal, these shortcomings must be addressed. Counseling can uncover the root causes. But both parties must be willing to put in difficult inner work.

Cheating Before Marriage Statistics

Institute for Family Studies provided detailed data about cheating before marriage.  In the demographic of ever-married adults aged 18 to 29, women exhibit a slightly higher likelihood of being involved in infidelity compared to men (11% vs. 10%). However, this trend shifts as individuals enter the 30 to 34 age range and widen further in older age brackets. 

cheating before marriage
Displeased woman refusing to talk with her boyfriend while arguing at home.

Notably, infidelity rates for both men and women surge during the middle ages. Women in their 60s report the highest infidelity rate (16%), but this figure sharply declines among women in their 70s and 80s. In contrast, men in their 70s register the highest infidelity rate (26%), and this rate remains elevated among men aged 80 and older (24%). So, we rarely can meet a wife cheated before marriage. 

Consequently, the gender gap in infidelity reaches its zenith among the oldest age group (ages 80+), showcasing an 18-percentage point difference between men and women.

Let’s look at cheating during engagement signs. It can help you to find the answer to your main question: Is my fiance cheating on me? 

My Fiance Is Cheating on Me: Signs Your Fiancé May Be Cheating

Few betrayals cut as deep as a fiancé’s infidelity — an engaged man cheating. You’re planning a life and future together — yet you must now question if this person truly honors their commitment to you. Though painful, recognizing subtle signs early allows individuals to address issues before traumas compound after exchanging vows. 

cheating before wedding

Paying attention to shifts in communication, secrecy around activities, emotional distance, and other potential indicators of cheating empowers partners to either work through problems or part ways with self-respect intact. Of course, breaches of trust emerge due to lapses in judgment, not because of the betrayal or cheating fiance. Still, identifying warning behaviors can prevent years of investment in a marriage built on an unstable foundation. 

While not definitive proof on their own, the following shifts in your fiancé’s behavior could indicate cheating:

Sudden Lack of Communication and Taking Longer to Respond

So, are you thinking: my fiance cheated on me or not? Ok, one telltale sign that your partner may be cheating is if their communication drops noticeably. They go from texting or calling daily to delayed, shorter responses. Good morning texts stop. They take longer to return calls and blame it on being “busy.” This unexplained pullback in communication frequency shows emotional and physical distance.

Vague or Evasive About Their Daily Schedule and Activities

If your partner gives vague, ambiguous answers when you ask simple questions about their plans or day, it can signal deception. They may omit certain activities and seem secretive about how they spend their time. Evasive reactions hint they have events or interactions to hide. This is also a bright sign that your husband cheated before marriage. 

See also  What is Considered Cheating? A Deep Dive To Understanding
engaged man cheating

Declines Video Chats More Often for Questionable Reasons

A partner who avoids video chats, claiming fatigue, tech issues, or other dubious reasons may worry you’ll notice background details exposing time with someone else. Mainly, if video calls used to be a consistent part of your communication, their sudden reluctance hints they don’t want you seeing them in certain places/situations.

Less Engaged During In-Person Visits, Distracted or Distant

Ok, again, did my fiance cheat on me or not? Let’s proceed to the next sign. You used to connect emotionally and physically with ease during visits. But now, your partner appears distracted, disinterested, and eager to return to their daily life. The shift to coldness and detachment when together reveals their attention and intimacy has shifted elsewhere.

Secretive When You Ask to Use Their Phone, Computer, etc.

Increased protectiveness over their technology likely means they worry you’ll discover something incriminating. Refusing you access to their phone, computer, and accounts when previously opened with them points to hiding communications, apps, or digital evidence of cheating.

Stays up Late More, Sleeps Odd Hours, Change in Energy

Take note if your normally early-to-bed partner is suddenly staying up late at night or has unusual spurts of energy. Their sleep schedule may shift to accommodate late-night conversations, calls, or meetups with someone else. Irregular energy levels and sleep patterns suggest changed priorities. If you notice a thought like “My fiance cheated on me,” pay attention to this sign. It can help you. 

cheating during engagement

Less Discussion About Your Relationship, Plans, or the Wedding

Your once lively talks about shared dreams and cementing your future shrivel up. They dodge relationship check-ins and seem disinterested in wedding planning. This emotional withdrawal signifies they’ve checked out mentally from building a life with you.

Asks More About Your Schedule, Trips, or Times You’ll Be Busy

A partner who fixates on details about your job, travels, time spent with friends, etc., may aim to pinpoint opportunities to cheat while you’re occupied. Excessive questions about how you pay your time reveal their mind on sneaking around.

Lies or Changes Details About Minor Things

Notice if your partner (potential cheating fiance) tweaks inconsequential details in stories, makes implausible excuses, or relates events contrary to information you independently know. While lies may seem trivial, dishonesty about small matters likely masks more significant deceptions.

New, Undisclosed Social Media Accounts or Hidden Apps

Secret secondary accounts and discreet messaging apps can provide channels for private communication with prospective affair partners. Sudden increased social media activity also shows their hunger for external attention and validation.

Less Contact With Family and Friends Who Hold Them Accountable

A partner isolating from close supporters who know them well may signify avoiding those who would condemn cheating actions. Losing touch with stabilizing influences enables shady behavior.

husband cheated before marriage

Just Seems “Off” — Trust Your Gut if Something Feels Wrong

You know your partner better than anyone. If they feel not themselves or you sense something amiss in their words, energy, and actions, listen to your sixth sense. Intuition often picks up on subtle clues consciously overlooked.

See also  Is Cheating Emotional Abuse and How to Understand that You Are a Victim?

The next question: What do you do when your fiance cheats on you? We have an answer. 

What to Do if You Suspect Your Fiancé Is Cheating?

If you notice any of the above patterns, have a thoughtful discussion when you’re both calm. Avoid accusations, but share behaviors that make you worried. Ask for their perspective and gauge if it adds up. Consider counseling to uncover any issues requiring attention before marriage.

To rebuild trust, mutually agree to more access to each other’s devices and accounts from now on. Be transparent about contacts and plans. Schedule consistent virtual dates and visits to reconnect. Increase communication overall and share feelings without blame. Make your needs clear.

wife cheated before marriage

Coping with the Emotional Fallout of Cheating

Discovering betrayal can be profoundly devastating. Be kind to yourself and allow time to process emotions fully. Confide in close friends or family for support. Consider therapy to handle the trauma healthily versus self-blame. Infidelity reveals problems in the relationship but is ultimately on your partner. Reflect on whether trust can realistically be restored before marriage. While challenging, you can move forward and heal with self-care.

In long-distance relationships, staying intimately connected is challenging but critical. Awareness of subtle signs and addressing concerns constructively can help maintain a strong foundation of trust. With compassion for one another, couples can either reveal and work through issues or part ways with care.

Conclusion

Do you feel that your fiance is cheating? Discovering possible betrayal from your future spouse can truly feel like your world is falling apart, especially with the barriers of distance. It’s devastating to question the partner who promised you forever. Take time to process the turbulence of emotions that surface. Yet, know you have the strength to either work through issues together or stand alone if that path isn’t tenable anymore. 

Although lonely and painful now, trust you will get through this, emerging wiser and with deeper self-knowledge. Seek support from those closest who build you up. Learn the signs so you don’t doubt silently again. Deal with this hardship gently but fearlessly. Do what must be done. You are courageous for daring to love openly. With or without your fiancé, your brightest days still lie ahead. This will be but one challenging chapter behind you.

why would an engaged man cheat

FAQ

My Fiancé Cheated On Me Should I Still Marry Him?

This is a profoundly personal decision. Consider open communication, counseling, and evaluating if trust can be rebuilt before choosing.

Is Cheating Before Marriage Adultery?

Adultery typically refers to extramarital affairs. While cheating before marriage might not be adultery in the legal sense, it involves a breach of trust.

I Cheated On My Fiance: What Should I Do?

Acknowledge your mistake, take responsibility, and communicate honestly with your fiancé. Consider seeking couples therapy to navigate the challenges and rebuild trust.

Catherine Mayers

Catherine is a psychologist and certified relationship coach with over 10 years experience helping couples heal after infidelity. Her approach provides a judgement-free space to process emotions, get to root issues, and take active steps to reconnect or mindfully part ways. Catherine offers research-based strategies to manage difficult emotions, rebuild broken trust, and improve communication. She provides empathetic guidance to empower couples during this challenging time, both through direct counseling and her insightful articles on repairing relationships after cheating.

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