signs he's not over his ex
Ex Relationships

Are You Just a Replacement? Signs He’s Not Over His Ex

We’ve all been there — starting a new relationship, only to discover the ghost of our partner’s past love still lingers. As difficult as it is to hear, if your new man can’t stop talking about his ex, makes constant comparisons between you, or refuses to let go of old photographs, these could be signs he’s not over his ex yet.

Don’t lose hope, though! With proper communication and patience, there are ways to work through this together. Read on for common indicators that a guy may still hold a flame for his ex, plus tips on what to do next.

Signs He Misses His Ex

How to Tell if a Guy Is Over His Ex?

I get it. Dating someone who isn’t over their ex can be tricky. You hope this new relationship will work out, but you can’t help wondering if he’s still hung up on his former flame. I’ve been there! The good news is that some clear signs can help you figure out if this guy has moved on.

The giant red flag is if he talks about his ex all the time, especially if it’s in a romantic or longing way. That’s a pretty clear signal he still has feelings there. But even if he doesn’t bring her up directly, pay attention to how he reacts when you ask about his past relationships. Does he get weird or closed off? That could mean there are still some unresolved feelings.

It’s also telling if he refuses to get rid of old gifts or photos of the two of them together. And if you notice he stays in touch with her regularly, that could mean he’s not fully committed to you. I know it’s not easy, but try to keep the communication open. If you explain your concerns calmly, a guy who is over his ex will reassure you there’s nothing to worry about. I hope these tips help you feel more confident about where you stand.

dating someone who isn't over their ex

Signs He Misses His Ex

Wondering if your guy secretly misses his ex is no fun.  I know how easy it is to guess things second and worry you’re a rebound. But try not to stress too much before you have all the facts. Most of the time, it’s pretty apparent when a dude is still hung up on his ex. You have to pay attention to the signs.

What kind of signs am I talking about? From all my experience, here are some of the giant red flags — signs he still loves his ex… 

He Can’t Stop Bringing Her Up

It could be a red flag if your new beau constantly mentions his ex in conversation. Does he reference her when telling stories from his past? Make excuses to say her name? Talk about her quirks or life events. If you’re starting to feel like a third wheel on your dates, take notice.

Now, hearing an ex’s name pop up occasionally is normal. But if your new guy finds flimsy reasons to bring her up frequently, it may signal old feelings. Don’t ignore your intuition if this makes you uncomfortable.

See also  How to Stop Overthinking After Being Cheated On?

You’re Not You — You’re Her 2.0

Another warning sign is if your partner constantly compares you to his ex, especially in a negative light. Comments like, “My ex was better at this,” or, “You remind me so much of my ex, except…” are hurtful and unnecessary. It may be time to rethink the relationship if you’re constantly held to his ex’s standard or feel you can’t measure up.

You deserve someone who values you for your unique self, not as a replacement for someone from the past!

he talks about his ex

There’s Still Contact on Social Media

In today’s digital age, many exes remain friends or stay in touch via social media and messaging apps. However, if your partner excessively checks his ex’s profiles or frequently messages her, it could mean he’s not fully moved on.

Likewise, if she’s constantly popping up in his feeds or he’s going out of his way to view her stories, this relationship door may still be open. Don’t ignore possible emotional cheating via technology.

He Gets Defensive or Emotional When She’s Discussed

Does your guy get fired up or extra emotional when something reminds him of his ex? If her name sends him into a mood spiral or he gets overly defensive about their past, he may not have dealt with lingering feelings.

Explosive responses are a red flag that a nerve regarding the ex has been struck. Tread carefully if this happens, and consider whether he needs time to process the breakup before committing to you.

Your Relationship Lacks Future Focus

If your partner can’t seem to commit to plans down the road or discuss a shared future with you, he may have one foot out the door. Men who constantly hedge on significant relationship steps like meeting family, moving in together, or making vacation plans may not be ready for the next stage.

Likewise, constantly questioning the relationship or panicking when things get serious can be signs of cold feet. If he can’t see a future with you, his heart may still lie with his past.

He Refuses to Let Go of Old Mementos

Finally, don’t ignore physical objects like photos, gifts, or souvenirs around your guy’s place relating to the ex. Keeping old love letters, wearing a piece of jewelry she gifted him or displaying a couple of pictures well after the breakup can be a red flag.

Likewise, getting defensive when you mention these items is a bad sign. He may not be ready to fully let go and move forward if he clings to objects from the past.

signs he still loves his ex

Signs He Wants to Get Back With His Ex

Let me start by saying I know how stressful and confusing it can be if you suspect your guy wants to reunite with his ex. You start overanalyzing his actions, wondering if he’s biding his time before he leaves you. Not fun! But before you spiral, take a breath. In most cases, there are some clear giveaways that a dude hopes to rekindle an old flame. What are some of those signs, you ask? Well…

One of the significant signs he has not moved on is if he stays in constant contact with her. I’m not talking; I occasionally text to check in. I mean frequent, long conversations and inside jokes. That level of contact means she’s still on his mind a lot. Another sign is if he makes endless comparisons between you and her, and they’re usually not in your favor. That signals he still holds a candle for her.

And watch how he talks about their past relationship. Does he gloss over the bad stuff and only remember the good times? That’s a sign he’s romanticizing it. Also, pay attention if he gets defensive or angry when you bring her up. He could be hiding something. Finally, if he jumps at any opportunity to see or help her out, it could mean he hopes to woo her back.

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I know it’s tough to feel like his backup plan. But don’t overlook these red flags or make excuses for him. You deserve a guy who wants to be with you, not his ex!

What to Do If He’s Not Over His Ex? 

First, don’t panic! Moving on from an ex is possible with good communication, professional help, and time. If you see the signs but want to make the relationship work, consider the couple’s counseling or deep conversations about his past as the next steps.

Ultimately, you deserve someone fully invested in a future together. Be true to yourself if your gut says he’s still holding a torch for his ex. Though difficult, walking away for your well-being may be necessary if he refuses to let go.

The path of love rarely runs smoothly. However, with trust and honesty, it’s possible to build a healthy relationship no matter the past. Keep communicating, set boundaries, and know your worth – with time, you can move forward fully.

 signs he has not moved on

How Long Does It Take a Guy to Get Over His Ex?

I wish I could give you a simple answer, but the truth is, there’s no set timeline for getting over an ex. Every relationship and breakup is different, so it depends on the guy, his personality, the depth of the relationship, and how it ended.

That said, most guys need at least a few months before they’re truly over a meaningful relationship. Anything less than that, and they’re probably still working through the grief process. The first month is usually the roughest when all the hurt and anger is fresh. But after that initial shock wears off, he’ll slowly regain perspective and accept it’s over.

If we’re talking about a long-term or very intense relationship, it could take him six months or longer to let go and heal fully. Getting over that deep connection is a marathon, not a sprint. The more attached he was, the longer it’ll likely take to move on.

So, is he over his ex? The most significant sign he’s over it? When he can finally think or talk about his ex in a detached, objective way without getting emotional. He’s made peace with it. And most importantly, he can be fully present and invested in you. That’s when you know he’s turned that corner. Be patient with him, but don’t ignore red flags either. Trust your instincts if something feels off. You deserve his full attention!

How to Make Him Forget His Ex?

I know it’s so frustrating dealing with a guy who’s still hung up on his ex. You want the relationship to progress, but he’s stuck in the past. I’ve been there! It seems impossible to get him to forget his ex and commit to you entirely. But don’t lose hope just yet. There are some things you can do to help him move on so your new relationship has a real chance.

What kinds of things am I talking about? Well, based on my personal experience, here are my top tips for getting a guy to forget his ex and only have eyes for you…

Don't panic (quote)

Tips on How to Make Not He Got Back With His Ex

  • First, don’t try to rush or force it. Healing takes time. You can’t just snap your fingers and expect his feelings for her to vanish. Be patient and let him work through it at his own pace.
  • That said, keep him focused on the present, not the past. When you’re together, make new memories and inside jokes. Plan fun dates he’ll associate with you, not her. This helps build your connection.
  • Compliment him and build up his confidence. Remind him of his great qualities. Guys love praise, which helps diminish any blows his ego took from the breakup.
  • Don’t come off as jealous of his ex. That will push him away. Accept that she was part of his life, but stay confident that what you have is special.
  • Set healthy boundaries if needed. It’s OK to say you always feel uncomfortable hearing about her. Don’t control him, but do communicate your needs.
  • Most importantly, be the best version of yourself. Please don’t compare yourself to her. Your unique awesomeness made him want to be with you in the first place!
See also  How to Stop Overthinking After Being Cheated On?

The goal is to build new love and trust that makes the past insignificant. With time and patience, you can help him see you’re the only one for him now.


I hope these signs help determine if you’re just a backup plan or if he’s fully moved on. I know it’s hard when you’re feeling insecure. My advice? Don’t ignore those gut feelings. If you sense he’s still holding a torch for his ex, have an honest conversation before things go further. You deserve to be someone’s first choice.

The right guy will make you feel treasured, not second-best. Don’t settle for less because you think you can’t do better or are afraid to be alone. You can and will find love again — authentic, passionate, intimate love where you never question their commitment. Until then, believe in your worth and invest in yourself. Spend time with friends, pursue your passions, and know you have much to offer. The more you build up your confidence, the easier it will be to walk away from any relationship that doesn’t truly fulfill you.


Is It a Red Flag if He Still Talks to His Ex?

The significance of someone maintaining contact with their ex depends on various factors, such as the nature of their current relationship, individual boundaries, and mutual trust. While staying friends with an ex is not necessarily a red flag, open communication and understanding between partners are crucial. If there are concerns or discomfort, both individuals must discuss their feelings and expectations to ensure a healthy relationship.

I Think My Boyfriend Still Has Feelings for His Ex: What Should I Do?

If you suspect your boyfriend still has feelings for his ex, having an open and honest conversation with him is essential. Share your concerns calmly and express your feelings. Listen to his perspective and try to understand each other’s emotions. Establishing clear communication can help you navigate the situation and determine the best course of action for both of you.

Should I Wait for Him to Get Over His Ex?

Deciding whether to wait for someone to get over their ex depends on your feelings, needs, and relationship dynamics. Communicating openly with your partner about your concerns and expectations is essential. It might be worth it if waiting feels suitable for both of you and there’s a mutual commitment to overcoming any challenges. However, if it compromises your well-being or the relationship becomes one-sided, consider your happiness and whether waiting is your best choice.

Why Does He Talk About His Ex?

People may talk about their exes for various reasons, such as closure, processing emotions, or sharing experiences. It doesn’t necessarily indicate lingering feelings. However, communicate your feelings with your partner if it makes you uncomfortable. Understanding their motives can help build trust and ensure a healthy relationship.

Is He Using Me to Get Over His Ex?

If you suspect someone is using you to get over their ex, it’s crucial to assess the dynamics of your relationship. Look for signs of genuine connection and emotional investment. Have an honest conversation with your partner about your concerns and feelings. Trust your instincts and prioritize your well-being. Consider reevaluating the situation if the relationship feels one-sided or detrimental to your happiness.

Catherine Mayers

Catherine is a psychologist and certified relationship coach with over 10 years experience helping couples heal after infidelity. Her approach provides a judgement-free space to process emotions, get to root issues, and take active steps to reconnect or mindfully part ways. Catherine offers research-based strategies to manage difficult emotions, rebuild broken trust, and improve communication. She provides empathetic guidance to empower couples during this challenging time, both through direct counseling and her insightful articles on repairing relationships after cheating.

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